Call me crazy, call me old, say I’m not down with the kids but ewww! I don’t get it. I thought temporary tattoos went out in the early 90’s. Now if they were just for the fashion show then maybe but for a bargain price of £49 you can get your very own set.  You get 55 temporary tatts in a lovely black box.  I thought swallow tattoos were more council estate chic than runway chic. There is a big buzz around these as they are limited edition.  I can imagine all of the teenage fashionistas have ravaged the Chanel counter at Selfridges in a rugby tackle to get their manicured mits on a set. More money than sense I say! But for those who have all ready purchased said black box here is a how to guide for applying your tramp stamps:

Scrub Your Nose In It Face Scrub 125ml

This claims to help refine large pores and prevent blemishes. My pores are the size of the Grand Canyon. I swear they can be seen from space. Anything that would claim to refine, shrink or erase them would be a miracle product.

This has a lovely texture with fine mild scrubbing action. It would be difficult to damage your skin as this is quite gentle which I did not expect. The smell and appearance is like tooth paste which some how seems to work. It does make your skin feel clean and mattified afterwards. It can also be used as a mask if you leave it on for a few minutes longer.

Contains: Kaolin

Some Like It Hot Body Softening Thermal Scrub 200ml

I love thermal scrubs. They remind me of my trip to the Blue Lagoon Spa in Iceland. This has a pink gooey consistency that I would class as a moderate scrub. It’s best used on damp skin to get the full effect of the warming thermal action. The scent has quite a fresh smell reminiscent of summers at the swimming pool. It also has a mattifying effect on the skin and skin is left feeling warm and purified. It rinses away on the skin really well and doesn’t leave a ring around the tub.

Contains: Macadamia oil, white sand grains

Butter Up Special Dry Skin Spa Formula Deluxe Body Smoothing Cream 200ml

What a mouthful! I as a rule can’t stand body butters but the smell of this made me buy it. It reminds me of orange creamsicles or tropical Soleros. My main issue with body butters (especially used in the summer months) are they are quite heavy and just sit on the skin. I suppose I never have dry enough skin to get the full effect of body butters but this one sinks into the skin and absorbs pretty much straight away. It works really well on dry chapped elbows which if you work in an office like me is a constant problem. I’m always putting my elbows on my desk whilst on the phone or staring at the computer trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. As a result the thin skin on the elbow gets scuffed and it can be quite difficult to get rid of the roughness once it sets in. I used this week for several weeks and it has really helped soothe and smooth that area.

Contains: Cocoa Butter, Sweet Almond Oil

Verdict

The range is definitely cheap and cheerful. I say this not to put you off but you get what you pay for. If you are used to using more expensive treatments then you may be disappointed with the results/smell/texture of these goodies. Part of their charm is the packaging so they are ideal for gifts for young adults or friends/relatives that are in need of a skincare regime (and all the hints you’ve dropped haven’t worked).

Country of Origin:

United Kingdom

How to use

Philip B in case in you didn’t know is a US Hair Stylist/Guru and hair care products with botanicals enthusiast. He has since moved to products for the body as well. I have say that chocolate body washes aren’t anything new. I’ve used quite a few in my day so I was curious to see if this one would be the same as the others, just shower gel with a sugary smell that doesn’t last. Well the first thing that most people do when you get a product like this is stick your nose halfway down the bottle to see what is smells like as that is the main focus. Amazingly it does smell like chocolate milk. The scent isn’t synthetic or sugary smelling at all. I should mention at this point I wasn’t the first person in my house to use it. TOH* helped himself the day after I got it. He was quite happy with it and he is a chocolate milk connoisseur. So when he was finished I had a go and was more than pleased and surprised even. You don’t need much to get a good lather which made me feel happier as it is on the pricier side of shower gel land. The smell does envelope you and on rubbish cold rainy day like today it’s the perfect antidote. My skin always feels warm and cosy after I use it. Definitely a great choice when us girls have the decorators in! wink wink

Now the bottle itself is fairly inconspicuous however just to show (unfortunately) what kind of lawsuit/litigation world we live in it does has a red band around the bottle saying ‘For External Use Only’, ‘Do Not Eat’, and ‘Do Not Drink’. I assume this is to prevent The Simpsons’ Lionel Hutz type lawyers of the world from bringing a claim against Philip B (after some idiot drinks said shower gel thinking it to be real chocolate milk) and exclaims to the court: ‘This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story’.

Plus Points

• Smells like real chocolate milk
• Skin feels comforted after use
• No calories

Minus Points

• Pricey

Verdict

This is definitely a fabulous solution to the chocolate without weight gain issue now I have to find a place to hide it  from *TOH and anyone who comes to visit. Who shares their chocolate anyway?

Contains:

Cocoa Butter, Oat Protein, Aloe

Country of Origin

USA

Application

With all this in mind I was quite intrigued by Bliss’ name for their latest body scrub which is soo un PC for 2009. The jar tells me I can scrub away my visible ‘blub’. I would have thought anyone with blub would just hide it away under a big jumper. Having been extremely happy with my Bliss Blood Orange and White Pepper Sugar Scrub I hoped this would follow suit.

This product is quite different. The smell reminds me of  toothpaste which I wasn’t keen on. The scrub itself which contains 60% Himalayan Pink Salt has a sticky tacky texture. I was expecting it to glide on but it is quite concentrated. You also need to stir it up as the oil pools at the top. The scrubbing action is okay but I felt something was amiss. I decided to try my FG scrub again on my blubby left leg and the Blood Orange Scrub on my blubby right leg to compare.  Both legs looked well scrubbed when everything finally rinsed off but I preferred the feeling and texture of the Blood Orange Scrub to the FG. I think I was expecting FG scrub to be mega-hardcore. I don’t know about you but my blub needs a bulldozer to shift so I was expecting more from this. I personally think I can get the same results from the Blood Orange scrub. I would say this is a moderate scrub due to the oil content prevented me from getting a more vigorous pelting.

This product is a further extension to the Bliss war on cellulite range which includes Fat Girl Slim and Fat Girl Sleep.

Benefits

• Helps reduce stagnant fluids that contribute to cellulite
• Cooling sensation lasts afterwards
• Paraben Free

Drawbacks

• Oily texture
• Tub is smaller than other Bliss scrub products

Verdict

Packaging too pink, don’t like the texture or smell. Not one of my faves. I would also hide this in the bathroom cabinet from any snooping frenemies or dates. It’s the 2009 equivalent of someone finding your girdle and support hose!

Contains:

Pink Himalayan Salts, Red Algae, Grapefruit Extract

Country of Origin

USA

Why I bought it

Cowshed, I am happy to say is made here in the UK. This is important to me as I’m happy to pay for good quality products especially if they are made right here at home. Using pure essential oils is the main focus for the fab folks at Cowshed.  As you can imagine I chose the ‘Grumpy Cow’ range as I thought that described me best. The bottles at 300ml are quite generous which I’m all in favour of. They will also look good in your bathroom. The packaging has a cool country grown-up quality to it with a very clever use of black and white patterns for each of their products.

Shower Gel

The bath and shower gel is quite thick so you don’t need much to get a good lather. If you look at the ingredients on the bottle extract of Grapefruit is the second ingredient listed on the bottle which means it has a very high concentration of said essential oil. Take note! As Martha Stewart (American Lifestyle Guru) would say ‘It’s a good thing’. There is a lovely aroma of citrus fruits that give this shower gel it’s ‘uplifting’ element. My only complaint is that I wish the scent would have lasted longer only because it is so nice.  I know this is not possible as any scent that lingered would be synthetic. My skin felt clean and refreshed so it is perfect for first thing in the morning.

Body Lotion

The texture of the body lotion is likened more to a body butter. So it really is a body lutter or body botion. As it is so thick I would recommend that you put this on straight out of the shower and wait for it to sink in or you may feel too slick to put on your clothes. The scent lingers longer with the body lotion and my skin felt smooth and protected the rest of the day. I would say with daily use there will be noticeable improvement in your skin’s texture and it will feel more purified and protected.

Ah One More Thing

It is recommended by Cowshed that you seek advice regarding Essential oils if you are pregnant or breastfeeding. The label also clearly marks which ingredients could be allergens.

I’m sure when the staff at Cowshed were coming up with names for their products they had a blast. I would like submit my own recommendations for new products for the modern woman; On The Verge of a Nervous Breakdown Cow, I’ve Just Maxed Out My Credit Card Cow, and Why Hasn’t He Called Me Yet Cow!

Good Stuff

• Exceptional value for money due to the high content of essential oils
• Fabulous packaging
• Improves skin texture with regular use
• Paraben, Petrochemical and Sulfate free

Bad Stuff

• I wish the scent lasted longer

Verdict

I think this Cowshed range is great for everyday use if you are grumpy or not! I will definitely be buying Moo-vahelous range again. (Yeah I heard you all groan after reading that)

Contains

Mandarin Red, Petitgrain, and Grapefruit

Country of Origin

United Kingdom

How to use

The wonderful people at Hei Poa have given us mere mortals a chance to have skin worthy of our tropical friends. With it’s kitsch packaging and various formulas we all have a chance to have super soft skin. I chose the bath and shower as I thought that would be a good place to start. It should noted that this shower gel doesn’t really lather up as other shower products do. As a matter of fact I don’t really think the shower is the best place for this lovely creation. Now let’s get one thing clear, I don’t do baths! However I think on this occasion I will have to make an exception and say this is probably best used for a nice soak in the bath on a cold, wet, winter evening after you’ve had a rubbish day at work or you skin feels tight, dry and in need of some tlc. After I used it my skin felt silky and smelled wonderful and scent lingers all day. I think I expected my skin to feel oily but was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t as I was getting dressed.

A few other noteworthy points are  that while it does say it is gentle enough to use every day prolonged use may cause irritation to the skin and urinary tract. I wouldn’t be too alarmed though anything and everything can irritate your delicate bits so just be aware. I would also store the tube cap side up. While this awkward I found that because of the high concentration of oil is does leak.

Pluses

• Distinctive exotic fragrance
• Leaves skin dewy and strokably soft
• Doesn’t cost the earth

Minuses

• May cause irritation
• Cap may leak

Verdict

I will definitely be using this again and may even take a bath.  Shh don’t tell anyone!

Contains

Coconut Extract, Tiare Flower

Country of Origin

France

Application

This looks like any run of the mill lip balm with the standard cap and  banner around the tube. I chose pomegranate over the other flavours as I thought it might a little different. It does smell nice but unfortunately that’s where the pleasure ends. I expected it to just glide on like any normal lip balm and it does but the texture is gritty. The grittyness does seem to melt after a few minutes but it isn’t pleasant. It’s not dissimilar to when you put on gooey lip gloss and every little bit of dirt and fluff sticks to it. The balm itself also feels quite greasy. I think you would have to use this under lipstick but I think it would make it slide around.

What happened next

Well actually nothing happened. I used it for two weeks and I didn’t notice a change in my energy levels nor do I feel that it suppressed my appetite and believe me I wished it would have. I don’t know if I should have used the product longer, there doesn’t seem to be any information about how quickly you will see results. However with any product of this nature individual results my vary. I suppose it would work better in tandem with a fitness regime and balanced diet of which I have neither at the moment. Like everyone else I thought I could scoff as many Grande Mocha’s I wanted and still get away with it. Fat Chance!

Good Points

• Contains active ingredients
• Nice smell
• Not expensive

Bad Points

• Texture is unpleasant
• Does not absolve you of exercise and eating properly

Verdict

I’m not convinced it’s for me but it may well work for others

Contains:

Hoodia Extract, Chromium Picolinate, Caffeine, Green Tea Extract

Country of Origin:

USA

How to use

OMG! Was I wrong or was I wrong. Dr Lewinn is my new best friend! I love this man! This hand polish is what I have been looking for in a scrub. When I opened it the smell of crushed oranges hit me. It literally smells like orange juice with bits mixed with sugar and it is gorgeous! It actually contains both sugar and sea salt but you get the idea. The scrub action with this is brilliant absolutely brilliant. It is definitely a hardcore scrub. I furiously scrubbed my hands with this lovely fusion of oils, salt and sugar and it rinsed away beautifully. Afterwards my hands felt plumped, pumped and ready to be shown off. They were incredibly soft which is no doubt down to the Macadamia Nut Oil. My only complaint about this product is that it doesn’t come in a 500g tub! I could quite happily swim in a vat full of it. TOH* and I used it on each others feet also with brilliant results. Yes I touch his feet! I love them, they are beautiful and now they are soft, smooth and smell of oranges!

The Good

• Hardcore no messing about exfoliation
• Smells delicious
• Water soluble formula rinses easily away
• Did I mention I love Dr. Lewinn?

The Bad

• I don’t know where to buy it in bulk but I will let you know
• If you don’t like hardcore scrubs then don’t use this product

Verdict

I would like to cordially invite you to the wedding of skinsrubs and Dr. Lewinn’s Revitalising Hand Polish. Please RSVP.

Contains:

Sea Salt, Orange Peel Oil, Macadamia Nut Oil

Country of Origin:

Australia

Mario Badescu Skin Care always seems to be linked celebrities. As you know this is not always the best way to judge a beauty product. The website boasts an impressive roster of tinseltown’s finest. This is not why I bought this though, I was enticed by the name of the product picturing crushed strawberries in a jar.

Application

Well I was sort of right about the idea I had in my head. It is  a jar of strawberry seeds floating in what looks and smells  like strawberry yoghurt. TOH* was eager to try the scrub and I let him have a go first. I eagerly waited for him to hurry up in the shower so I could found out how great it was. The look on his face said it all. ‘Nothing’ he said. ‘It does nothing’. Mmm well we’ll just see about that I thought. So in the shower I went and scooped out a generous amount of the creamy goo and applied it to my face. Unfortunately TOH* was right, it does nothing. Now I haven’t missed the fact that it says ‘non-abrasive’ scrub so I wasn’t expecting it to be like sandpaper. Don’t get me wrong the texture is lovely and creamy and it smells wonderful. The strawberry seeds would offer great exfoliation but there isn’t enough of them to make a difference (to me anyway). This face scrub to me is a concoction conundrum. If it were just a creamy gentle cleanser then it would work but add the strawberry seeds and it just becomes annoying. I have a feeling this is intended for individuals who have really dry skin and those who cannot tolerate too much exfoliation.

Good Stuff

• Smells and feels like strawberry yoghurt
• Non-irritating

Bad Stuff

• Won’t be rough enough for some
• Difficult to rinse off need toner afterwards

Verdict

This one isn’t for me but someone with really dry skin would probably benefit from the cooling sensation of the creamy texture and the gentle action of the strawberry seeds.

Contains:

Strawberry Fruit Extract

Country of Origin:

USA

How to use

I used the mild exfoliant first to clean my face before application. The mask itself is quite thick so you don’t need much and it does properly cover your face with black mud. If you want look like Papa Lazarou from League of Gentleman then mission accomplished! But seriously it does stick your skin and doesn’t slide around like some masks. I left it on longer for about 7 minutes which is two minutes longer than the tube recommends. It does take some effort to get off. I had to splash my face with water and also use a wet face cloth to remove the residue around my hair line. My skin felt quite smooth and clean after I dried it and the mask definitely mops up the oil. I think if you use it 2-3 times a week you will see the benefit. My skin was much clearer and less blotchy. Even TOH* said he could tell the difference. If you have combination skin or just an oily T-zone it would be ideal just to put on those areas. The smell is sea salty so it does feel like a real spa strength treatment.

Who should use it:

• Oily skins with blackheads/breakouts
• Those who want a mask that doesn’t take long to dry
• Anyone who wants a spa like treatment at home

Who shouldn’t use it:

• Dry or sensitive skins this product might irritate it further
• Individuals who don’t want to fuss with face cloths to remove residue

Verdict

This is a great mask for oily and congested skin. I think it would also be ideal for men who want to venture into this type of regime as it is quite ambiguous in appearance and fragrance.

Contains:

Dead Sea Mud, Kaolin, Roobios Leaf Extract

Country of Origin:

United Kingdom